The Thankful Spiel

I never let the seasons dictate the practice of gratitude. However, it helps make it official. Here it is, my official “What I am Thankful for” spiel.

One year ago, I was basking in free rent and careless thoughts. I was free, yet encased in my post revelation “now what-ness”. I would have never thought that within a few months I would have sprung out of bed with the spontaneous thought to visit Colorado for the Woman Grow Summit. I felt as though I was on cruise control and my body was working before my brain. Sometimes that’s a good thing.

So there I was, February 2017: alone, in a shitty taxi that cost $70 to my semi-shitty hotel. Which, still procured a shitty grin. I didn’t care. I was alone and free. I was in a city that I only once visited briefly. I paid the man, dropped my bags off, and went the Pot Shop down the street. I wandered the streets. Got a sandwich at Cheba Hut and accidentally stayed for beer and trivia. I was there quite a while and made a few friends. I smoked a joint with some old haggard looking man. He had stories and I liked to listen. Strangers are great.

The next day was the Summit. My Uber (which smelled of cannabis) dropped me off at the Opera House. Which also smelled of cannabis. LOL. It was a long day of inspiration for me. As I sat back in the red puffy seats, I wrote. One speaker provoked us to write goals for the following year. My first bullet point consisted of the words, “Move to Colorado”.

That is not why I came. But that is what I brought back with me. I slowly conjugated some thoughts. Many thoughts. And no thanks to the Jack Kerouac book I was reading at the time. But there I was, randomized plans to move from suburbs of Chicago, IL to Denver, CO.

I quit my freedom job in April, I arrived on Cinco de Mayo, and began working in the cannabis industry by June. Here I sit, thinking back, it hasn’t been that long, I have already experienced so much, yet nothing at all. I have learned so much, but I am nowhere near an expert. There’s a place here for me. I have taken a risk and I am thankful for walking through fear.

I love my support system back in the Midwest. I miss them and appreciate them more than I could have mustered in the past. I have a clear vision of my feelings toward my previous life. It has brought me here.

These coming holidays will be different. I wish to teleport home to enjoy one meal with my family but I wish to instantaneously be back here after the meal. I am thankful to miss them and I am thankful to feel like I am making my own foundation. I am thankful for extensive phone calls. I am thankful for the time I have loaned out to the new people I am meeting here. And for the time they have given me. I am thankful for delicious craft beer, legal cannabis, strangers, inspiring people, my first bullet point, fear (and loathing), change, and nostalgia. And my best friend/roommate. Roommate/best friend.

I don’t exactly know where I am going from here but I am thankful to know that it is in the direction of forward.

Response to “Daily Prompt: Witty”

How could I pass this prompt up?

Witty

With one drag of her wit,
You’ll have to admit,
Hooked you are.

But you’d better look from a far.

No desire to commit,
Not even one bit,

Shit.

You shan’t change what you find to be strange,
Some do not desire to be ordained,
Some do not desire to be restrained.

Within her kit of wit,
She holds the tools within the fools.
She’s living a life,
She’s got your splice,
Don’t try to roll,
the dice.

Your gamble will turn to shamble.

You can not change what shall remain.
A woman so pure,
Down to her veins,
With all her pains.
She thrives from the change that makes you disdained.

As you,
Will always be you,
She,
Will always be,
She.

And with one drag of her wit,
You’ll have to admit,
You have changed quite a,
Bit.

No Ragrets, Not Even a Single Letter

 

Do me a favor and every once in a while, put yourself beside yourself. Take a constructive look at that person. You do not know anyone better than that person.

Flaws and personal satisfaction alike. Accept them.

Put yourself beside yourself and never lose sight of yourself. Be your own critic and be real with yourself. Accept your change and accept the things that you can not change. Revel in your own wonders.

Fall down with every intention of always standing back up. No option there.

Like yourself, love yourself, hate yourself but understand its all temporary. Once you have chosen happiness – do all you can to maintain that, to destruct all of the worlds destructions.

You only have one thing in this life, that’s your very own life. Your very own trust. Refuel your fire by closing your eyes and letting your soul meet your brain to fill it with perspective.

#NoRagrets

The Importance of Self Care

If self-care has never been on your radar and you have no idea how to catch yourself from falling down a downward spiral, I suggest you take a few minutes and read this.

Everything is important. Your family, your friends, your lover, your job, your to-do list, bills, school, all those social events… but when will people realize that YOU are THE most important aspect in your life? You are your own powerhouse. The motherboard, the mitochondria of your own life. Without yourself, nothing would matter, make sense, or be worth any joy.

How can you be well with anything –relationships, job, social life, accurate tasks, if you do not make sure you are taken care of first? This is not selfish. This is crucial. This is the underlying truth to a greater mental health understanding.

A short excerpt from a past point in my life:

I was 22, in college (19 credit hours), working a constant 30 hours, had been renting a house with my then boyfriend (bills were astronomical), had internship work, along side extensive lab work. I am the stubborn giving kind. I would never allow my partner to pay for anything, it was always 50/50, or so I thought. The short of it all was that, I was immensely stressed and had no idea until I found a grey hair. I was hardly eating meals; that right there was the tip-off because I always eat and my undergrad is B.S. Nutrition. From there, I called my mother to justify and recognize the pivots in my life. I got on one of the best multivitamins and came to the realization that I needed to simplify my life. Luckily, I finished off the semester well and it was summer. The changes I made were enormous. I gave myself space from academics, broke up with my partner, moved home, and put myself first. I joined my local gym, hung out with all my best friends, traveled more, and began to live a more healthy lifestyle. Mind, body, and soul, I was back to being me.

From that point on, I thrived. Myself has always been put first, within reason. I set myself up for success. One day a week I tribute it to myself. I don’t always do something special but the day is for me, whether that means I remain alone or add in someone elses company. No matter what, I spend the time to get my mental in the place it needs to be to continue to thrive.

I thank sweet baby jesus for the phone call to my mother. That’s all it took, someone elses perspective. Self-care is crucial for the future of yourself and even the people around you. Don’t feel selfish, take the time, and do not let anyone stand in the way.

I can confidently say, this is a matter of life or death. Choose wisely.

Find yourself and never lose sight of it again.